Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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