after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
