Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
