You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
