Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
