your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
