My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
