she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
