you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
