one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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