I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We smell like vodka and hangover
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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