wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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