Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
