11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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