Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
