I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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