I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
