I'm passing your future prison.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
