After last night, I could never be a politician.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
