i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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