Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
