the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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