you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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