Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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