This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
