Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
