just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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