curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
