dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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