There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
