Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
