I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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