Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
