I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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