chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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