i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Come see our sink grown plant.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
