I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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