Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
