remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
