TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
