I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
