I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
