You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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