I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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