I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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