You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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