It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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