Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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