I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
