I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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