Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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