I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we're making bets on your personal life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
