I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
