I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
