my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
