In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize