I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
