we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
