Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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