Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
false alarm, still single
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
