The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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