Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
