I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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