Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
