i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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